Delighting in the Lord when Little Feels Delightful

This has been a rough two weeks, and I have had numerous losses in the spiritual space since I last posted. Although, quite honestly, I have been in what seems to be a state of loss since March of 2024 despite many situations people would label as wins coming my way: a steady job, a new house, a newer car, progress on personal goals. I count most of them as highly insignificant. And while this one loss has waterfalled into a place of desperation, it isn’t really the heartbreak that is causing me to wrestle with God, for, indeed, I am wrestling even as Jacob wrestled. The only difference is that I sometimes feel like I have no God to wrestle with, as I admitted to some friends a bit over a week ago.

I give you this incredibly general understanding of my spiritual, knowledgeable, and emotional state to tell you this: I spent some time really fighting my faith, highly doubting that God was real—or, if He was, if He cared about me. See, I have never doubted His goodness toward others, but even today, I wonder how good He is being toward me. Suffice it to say, serving Him does not feel delightful in the slightest, and this is why I wrestle. As Jacob did, I am bound and determined to fight with God until He blesses me.

The Benefit of Good Friends

As I noted earlier, I admitted my lack of faith to some friends late one Thursday night, and all I can say is that it is a blessing to have good, godly friends. They spent some time speaking some harsh truths at me while also being gentle and understanding of the lowly place I have been dragged to kicking and screaming. And then they prayed for me, offering up to God the words I couldn’t speak out of anger and fear. I told them that night that I was grateful I had better friends than Job, especially as I am not nearly as righteous.

Their encouragement affected me deeply, and I was able to pray a simple prayer that night as I came back across a passage of Scripture I had been fighting with for weeks: Psalm 37, specifically verse 4, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires.” I was angry because I spent most of my life delighting in the Lord without true difficulty, I thought, and even when I was, everything was ripped away from me, yet now I do not know how to delight in Him to gain it back because I didn’t want to delight in Him at all, yet I knew I had to. So, I took my lack of faith and paired it with the faith of my friends, who believed so wholeheartedly that I couldn’t comprehend it, and I asked God to tell me how the heck to delight in Him.

There are No Coincidences

Lo and behold, God answered not only that prayer but also an unspoken one I had been throwing up in my declaration of wrestling with Him as Jacob. On Friday, my faith was dead, but on Sunday, I was reborn just a little bit stronger as I first attended a sermon preached by my aforementioned good friend (his first). His message? The blessings of Jacob on his children, of course. The wrestler himself, after having been blessed, got to give out blessings of his own.

This message spoke particularly to my anger at God for seemingly taunting me with the very blessings I have been fighting Him for on other people. I’ve been forced to watch with joy and no small amount of anger and hurt as quite literally everyone around me is receiving everything I have asked God for, and while I won’t get into specifics, I will say the hurt this has caused me has been immense. And then I hurt because I can’t just be happy for others; it’s a vicious cycle. But the key takeaway (there are many good ones) from this message was the specificity of blessings: for each son, Jacob had a different blessing, and for each son or daughter of His, God has a specific blessing that He doles out as appropriate. (In all honesty, this hurts almost as much as it helps because I feel quite strongly that I would like my blessing now, thank you very much!)

Taking Delight is far Simpler than We Imagine

Since I had attended this service so early in the morning, I visited another local church that had piqued my interest. And, of course, the pastor was delivering a sermon on Psalm 37:1-8. My prayer uttered in near faithlessness was answered. And how great and simple an answer I received. I won’t delay it any longer, but I will run through the Scripture in order from verse 3 because I think it’s all helpful to my point. Trusting in the Lord is far simpler than imaginary, insubstantial faith. It doesn’t have to be some metaphysical thing. Instead, it means doing the good things we’re supposed to be doing and asking the Father to assist us in believing that God rewards those who seek Him (Hebrews 11:6). It means dwelling exactly where we are in the security of His future promises, which cannot be touched.

Taking delight, again, is simple: it’s doing things that cause us to be thankful to God and then thanking Him for those things. While Peter and James state we should rejoice in suffering, we don’t have to rejoice because we are suffering. In fact, though Paul boasted about his affliction, he rejoiced about the good things God was doing because of it, not enjoying his pain. We don’t have to enjoy the hard times, but we can enjoy the God we have in the hard times by looking at the good things He’s given us. In practicality, this means I can enjoy my home, car, job, hobbies, and friends and be thankful to have them while hoping, praying, trusting, and wrestling for the blessings that come at the end of suffering (1 Peter 5:10).

Committing our way to the Lord, from verse 5, is just like Paul later writes, “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.” Do the things you’re doing like Christ would do them and trust that God will act in those things for goodness, and that He will make righteousness and justice shine.

Everything is Still in God’s Timing

Finally, recognize that doing all these right things does not change the necessity of waiting silently and expectantly on God. Doing these things will not speed up His work or His blessings; He will give them in His time. I know it’s not what I wanted to hear, and I know it’s not what most of us want to hear, but this belief that doing certain things or letting go of them will cause God to act faster or slower is a works-based theology. We cannot alter His plans.

In the meantime, give up your anger, even at God, because we all want to be angry at Him when He takes longer than we want Him to, but let it go. Let go of the anger that comes when you’re forced to watch Him give everything you’ve ever wanted to your friends. Let go of the anger that comes when the wicked get easy lives or good gifts. That can only bring harm, but in the time God makes it beautiful (Ecclesiastes 3:11), God will bless you, me, us. And yes, that sometimes means only in death and the resurrection of our bodies for eternity with Him. Even though I really didn’t want to type that and want to believe He’ll not wait that long for me and for you.