Getting the last word in all the time isn’t just unnecessary, it’s downright wrong and completely uncalled for as far as us Christians are concerned. We’ve probably all had those arguments where we just go round and round for ages because we refuse to concede defeat.
But I have to challenge you, and myself: what are you conceding defeat for? What will you lose if you don’t browbeat the other person into submission? Does your point suddenly become meaningless because the other person had the last word? Do you die because you lost the argument? No. You have only your own pride to lose and only yourself to disgrace. And is that really what you’re fighting for? Useless, sinful feelings?
The Bible, specifically Proverbs, has a lot to say about the subject of speaking, arguing, and pride. Sometimes, it’s better not to say anything. Sometimes, it’s fine to say your piece and move on. But, it’s always important to keep a guard on your emotions and the words that come out of your mouth.
Let’s go in chronological order for an argument, shall we?
Proverbs 21:23 says, “The one who guards his mouth and tongue keeps himself out of trouble.”
And Proverbs 13:3 says, “The one who guards his mouth protects his life; the one who opens his lips invites his own ruin.”
It’s a lot easier to avoid sin if we don’t entertain the actions that lead up to sinful behavior. That’s running away from temptation. And, a lot of times, you’re better off just not saying anything at all. Some people are out there just trying to start trouble—you know the people I’m talking about. They aren’t in the conversation to learn and listen; they just want to make you angry. So, as my dad says, “It’s better to keep your mouth shut and let them think you’re a fool than to open it and prove them right.”
Next up is Proverbs 10:19, which says, “When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but the one who controls his lips is wise.”
This one’s pretty clear. The more you speak, the more likely you are to sin. Particularly in an argument, the more you say, the longer you argue, the more incensed you get, the more likely you are to say something out of anger or hate and sin against God and the person you’re arguing with.
So, say your piece and move on. Let me let y’all in on a little secret: you’re never going to convince someone they’re wrong in the middle of an argument. Emotions run too hot for that, and a lot of the time, people don’t even bother to listen to the other side any more than it takes to refute their point. Winning an argument comes after it’s all said and done, when you have the time to sit back and think about all that was said. You don’t win the argument. The other person loses the argument against themselves.
But, if you do get in an argument and you have something you feel led to say, there’s a way to say it that is in line with how God would like us to act.
Proverbs 17:27 says, “The intelligent person restrains his words, and one who keeps a cool head is a man of understanding.”
And Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle answer turns away anger, but a harsh word stirs up wrath.”
Two key points come from these verses: keep calm and speak softly. Don’t attack someone’s character. Don’t raise your voice and yell. Speak in a kind, yet not condescending manner, as if you’re having a conversation with a friend, and nicely refute the points they make with your own points backed by facts.
I’ve learned more and more that it’s impossible to hate someone who’s nice to you all the time. In the same way, it’s impossible to keep up the energy to yell, scream and say mean things when the other party is calm as can be.
And finally, sometimes, you just need to let it go. Let the argument go. Let your pride go. Losing an argument is not the be all end all. Getting the last word in for the sake of your pride is losing far more than letting the other person think they’ve won.
Proverbs 11:12 says, “When pride comes, disgrace follows, but with humility comes wisdom.”
And Proverbs 16:18 says, “Pride comes before destruction, and an arrogant spirit before a fall.”
If, in your arrogance and pride, you go until you get the last word in, the only one to suffer and lose is you. Not only has your character, as seen by other people, been disgraced because of your actions, but you’ve sinned against God in your prideful behavior.
And in terms of sharing the Gospel, there has never been a single person who was converted by a Christian getting the last word in during a heated theological argument. Defend the faith, yes, but tell them the Gospel, tell them the facts, and then let them stew on that. It’s not always your job to grow the seed you planted.
Seriously, take it from someone who was as habitual about getting the last word in as most people are about their morning coffee. It doesn’t matter. Let them have the last word. Move on. You won’t even notice you “lost the argument.” Your character won’t disappear. In fact, you’ll likely feel better than if you had said the last word.
I’m going to adapt the phrase I quoted from my dad earlier: It’s better to let them believe they won than to say the last word and hand them the victory.